The Secret of Love – A Valentine’s Reflection Inspired by Rumi

Once, while on a retreat in India, a student asked a guru, “What is the secret of a loving relationship?”

The guru smiled, paused, and simply said:

“In ‘I love you,’ when you dissolve the ‘I’ and the ‘You’… all that remains is love.”

At first, I didn’t fully grasp what he meant. But over the years, through my own journey of love—its joys, its heartbreaks, its moments of deep connection—I realized how profound his words truly were.

This is the essence of Rumi’s wisdom on love.

The Illusion of ‘I’ and ‘You’

We often enter relationships with a strong sense of I—"I need." "I want." "I deserve."

And we project expectations onto the You—"You should make me happy." "You should love me in this way." "You should be different."

But this way of loving is based on separation—on two individuals trying to negotiate their needs.And as long as there is separation, love remains conditional.

But what happens when we dissolve the ‘I’ and the ‘You’?

What happens when we let go of the need to control, to possess, to define?

Something magical occurs—Love is no longer an exchange. It is no longer something you give or receive.It is simply there—expanding, flowing, existing without conditions.

This is what Rumi meant when he said:

“Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing and rightdoing, there is a field. I’ll meet you there.”

True love happens in that field beyond the mind’s need to label, judge, or expect.

Love Is Not Something We Find—It’s Something We Become

“Lovers don’t finally meet somewhere. They’re in each other all along.” – Rumi

The deepest love is not about finding the perfect person.It’s about dissolving the walls that keep you from seeing that love was already there.

It’s about realizing that the love you long for has always been within you—It is not in the ‘other,’ it is not in the ‘self’—it is in the space where both dissolve.

This is why Rumi also said:

“Close your eyes. Fall in love. Stay there.”

Love is not about searching.Love is not about chasing.Love is about being.

The moment we stop trying to define love and instead allow ourselves to merge into it,the ‘I’ and the ‘You’ disappear—and what remains is something infinite.

This is the secret of love.

A Valentine’s Day Reflection

So today, ask yourself:

💭 Where am I holding onto ‘I’ too tightly?💭 Where am I placing too much expectation on ‘You’?💭 What would happen if I let go—and simply allowed love to be?

Because in the end, love is not a possession.It is not something we demand, chase, or define.

Love is what remains when there is no distance between hearts.No need to control, to fear, to be anything other than present.

And isn’t that the deepest love of all?

Happy Valentine’s Day. ❤️✨

Sumit